Dear Senator Harkin

Got this via email (it said it was an actual letter to a Senator, but who knows), I found it funny and informative:

Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.
Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions

is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years,

all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes

for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am

anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put,

those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so

I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for

paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?

This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy

taxes in 2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the

local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save
almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout

the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve

me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age

children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to

become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I
would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA