Two Great Global Warming Stories

Apparently ignorance isn't bliss:

A North Pole expedition meant to bring attention to global warming was called off after one of the explorers got frostbite. The explorers, Ann Bancroft and Liv Arnesen, on Saturday called off what was intended to be a 530-mile trek across the Arctic Ocean after Arnesen suffered frostbite in three of her toes, and extreme cold temperatures drained the batteries in some of their electronic equipment.

What do you know? It's cold in the North Pole! What did they expect? Did they go to the North Pole, believing their own liberal global warming hysteria, thinking it be a nice, warm vacation? Instead they experienced temperatures reaching 100 below zero and one of them got severe frost bite on her foot!

It be funny if they weren't so stupid. Apparently, they made a major scientific discovery. It's cold in the North Pole:

Then there was the cold - quite a bit colder, Atwood said, then Bancroft and Arnesen had expected. One night they measured the temperature inside their tent at 58 degrees below zero, and outside temperatures were exceeding 100 below zero at times, Atwood said.

Well I'm glad the trip wasn't a complete waste! Of course, they had their excuses all prepared:

"They were experiencing temperatures that weren't expected with global warming," Atwood said. "But one of the things we see with global warming is unpredictability."

Of course! Us simpletons seem to think that global warming, by definition, causes the planet to warm! But the truly great scientific minds know that it just throws off the global climate, conveniently making it impossible to disprove. Why do they call it "global warming" if it causes temperatures of 100 below zero in the North Pole?

And next up, a story that actually embraces the idea that global warming causes warming. Tell me if this is the fuzziest logic you've ever heard:

...thanks to global warming, the Tokyo area is having one of its earliest cherry seasons ever.

According to predictions released by Japan's Meteorological Agency, the trees are expected to bloom as early as this weekend in the capital area, where about a quarter of all Japanese live.

That would be 10 days earlier than average and the second earliest since the agency started compiling data in 1953.

You're telling me it's proof of global warming that Japan's cherry blossoms are blooming 10 days earlier than average! That's moronic! That's called a fluke, not proof! 10 days! These are the same people that are telling me global warming is a very complicated thing, and that freezing temperatures in New York and (apparently) the North Pole don't disprove it! How are cherry blossoms blooming 10 days earlier than the average a sign in anyway that global warming is real?

These people are unreal! They refuse to believe that signs of warming on Mars equal to that of the Earth's are a sign that the sun is causing the Earth's warming, and they refuse to believe that, despite the fact that polar bears are thriving, they aren't in danger from global warming, but they tell us that freezing temperatures in the North Pole and cherries blooming 10 days early are a sign of global warming?

I mean, my God, it takes more faith to be a liberal than it does to be a Christian!