Funny Video, Unfunny Cause

Here's a comedian's spoof of what it would be like if Australian David Hicks who is currently detained at Gitmo appeared on MTV's Cribs:



Getup.org ruins this comedic video by advertising their website where you can petition for "David's" release. A visit to the site greets you with this message:

Already more than 55,000 people have joined GetUp's petition to the Australian Government, asking our leaders to bring David Hicks home. Vote David Out of the House now, and we'll add your name to the call!

Great. Let's just release poor David, it was obviously a misunderstanding. I should probably note some of the background in what led to him being in Gitmo, however.

First, let's stop calling him David. When he was taking up arms against America in Afghanistan he was known to his terrorist brothers as Abu Muslim al-Austraili (or Mohammed Dawood; remember it's a rule that a Muslim must have at least fourteen names.) According to the over-sympathetic entry on Wikipedia:

[Abu Muslim al-Austraili has been held] ... as an unlawful combatant by the United States Government at Guantánamo Bay for more than five years without trial. According to the U.S. government, Hicks served as a common foot soldier with the Taliban in Afghanistan.

But that's just according to the US government, and we all know they would create and elaborate lie and waste man power and money imprisoning an Australian citizen they knew to be innocent.

Later, the man who would never take up arms against the US:

... traveled to Albania, where he joined the Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA), a paramilitary organisation of ethnic Albanians fighting against Serbian forces in the Kosovo War, and served with them for two months.

For those of you who are unaware of the KLA they are an organization that:

... was accused of killing Serb civilians and Albanians perceived as being allied to the Yugoslav government. The Yugoslav authorities, the United States and other Western governments (prior to 1999) considered it to be a terrorist organization. Some former members were also widely regarded as being involved in postwar criminal activities and the destabilization of neighboring states in pursuit of a "Greater Albania".

I realize that they were on our side in that particular war, but their goals were far more militant than ours and their tactics were deplorable - yet Abu Muslim al-Austraili had no problem joining up, even posing in some of their bizarre Muslims-with-weapons porn:



I know this is getting winded, so let me get to the good stuff:

On 11 November 1999 Hicks traveled to Pakistan to study Islam. After a period of time he began training with the Lashkar-e-Toiba learning guerrilla warfare, weapons training, including landmines, kidnapping techniques and assassination methods.

Free David Hicks!

[US prosecutors] claim that, on an occasion when al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden visited an Afghan camp, Hicks questioned bin Laden about the lack of English in training material and subsequently "began to translate the training camp materials from Arabic to English". Hicks wrote home that he'd met Osama bin Laden 20 times. But he later told investigators he'd exaggerated. He'd seen bin Laden about eight times and spoken to him once.

It doesn't seem like an innocent Australian travelling through Afghanistan sightseeing would have met Osama eight times, but who am I to judge?

Unfortunately gov't cronies got to Abu's mom:

Hicks spoke to his parents from just outside the southern Afghan city of Kandahar in November 2001. "He said something about going off to Kabul to defend it against the Northern Alliance," Terry Hicks said.

Anyway, this "Free David Hicks" thing is just another cause for liberal sheep to jump on in order to demonize America. Abu Muslim al-Austraili has shown that he was willing to fight along side those who kill innocent civilians and went to Afghanistan to fight "the Northern Alliance" and met Osama Bin Laden almost a dozen times - if not more.

Side Note: As funny as the video is (and I know, it's only marginally funny) it has the classic trappings of liberal crap in its portrayal of Abu's cell. Here's an actual picture of the very cell he's housed in:



Note the cushioned bed. I guess he didn't have to curl up in that corner for two years. As Wikipedia notes, the window looks into a corridor (you mean he can't see the sky!?!?) and the inset picture is his reading room with no books in it! (He can't read poetry either!?!?!)

I can't believe these detainees even get reading rooms. I will note that there's a book in his main cell.

Funniest Headline Ever?

Possibly. But there have been some pretty damn funny headlines out there:

Cats Invade Neb. House, 3 Injured

Want To Be An Iraqi Policeman?

A pretty funny (read: cheesy) public service add from Iraq to recruit policemen (hat tip: Hot Air):



As Allah notes: "I wonder if it’ll earn them a single extra recruit above and beyond what they get from offering good pay."

'300' Is 2007's Number One Blockbuster!

The awesome movie, 300, has become 2007's number one blockbuster, earning $70 million in its opening weekend.

I saw the movie opening night, and it rocked. And a conservative political message? If anything, it had a liberal message. I mean, the movie's opening line is something like, "When the boy was born, like all Spartans, he was examined. Had he been weak, misshapen, or small he would have been discarded."

Here's the preview, including the liberal line I just poorly quoted (warning for nudity, violence, and men in speedos):



Bonus: Jawa has this ridiculous review of the movie, showing the Left's paranoia:

What's your favourite movie?

Someday soon, you may ask a new acquaintance that question, and just maybe -- because it takes all kinds -- your new friend will reply, "My favourite movie is 300."

If this happens, back away slowly. Your new friend probably kills cats for fun. Worse -- your new friend may be George W. Bush. Director Zack Snyder's new dramatization of the epic Spartan stand at Thermopylae will probably go down real well at the White House, and wherever disturbed young people massacre hundreds in violent video games. Others should exercise discretion.
. . .

As a tribute to a particular world view, 300 could play on a double bill with Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will.

And no doubt it will be screened at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. President Bush will certainly relish a film in which King Leonidas tries, and fails, to get authorization from Sparta's governing council for an attack against the forces of Persia, a.k.a. modern-day Iran. Leonidas goes ahead anyway. History calls him a hero. So much for congressional funding.

There's even evidence that the film consciously grasps at this clash-of-civilizations message. "Today we will rid the world of mysticism and tyranny," shouts a Greek soldier, leading a charge against the Persians moments after we have seen an image of dead Spartans in Christ-like poses.

No mention of the fact that if Leonidas hadn't gone against the council and defended Sparta, they'd all be slaves to the Persians.

Roger Ailes Mocking The Media On Their Own Turf

Man, it takes balls to mock the liberal media on their own turf, at the Radio-Television News Directors Association awards ceremony. But that's exactly what Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes did when accepting his "First Amendment Award:"



Funny stuff, hat tip: Hot Air.

Coalition Forces Destroy Anti-Aircraft Gun, Terrorists

So this is an awesome video. It's what some would call military porn:



Hat tip to Allah at Hot Air, who apparently didn't want to find this on YouTube. He says, "It’s true, you can’t win the war through military means alone. But every little bit helps."

Note: The quality is way better if you go to this external site. Maybe that's why Allah didn't use YouTube.

Further Note: I give this video a day before it's labeled "obscene" for portraying the deaths of "heroes trying to defend their homeland from aggressors."

Entitlement, The Sixth Sense

This Speed Bump is sad but true:

Jack Bauer Vs. Chunk

I know it's not Monday yet, but who doesn't like to get pumped for 24 a little early?

Here's Jack Bauer forcing The Goonies' Chunk to divulge information that is no doubt critical to national security:



(You may have to click above to play.)

Ouch!

Why, Ann? Why?



Personally I find it to be a somewhat funny one-liner, and have no problem with it, other than the fact that Ann should have known damn-well that the MSM and other liberals will now use this as ammo against the right-wing for years to come. Way to go.

***Update, 7:55pm***

Ultramontane: I should note that there was nothing wrong with what Ann said because she's a political commentator who makes her living making jokes. What would be wrong is for politicians to embrace this kind of speech, which none of the big-name Republicans have:

Of the major Republican candidates, only Mr. McCain did not attend [CPAC], but he denounced her remarks on Saturday morning. “The comments were wildly inappropriate,” said his spokesman, Brian Jones.

Mr. Giuliani said, “The comments were completely inappropriate and there should be no place for such name-calling in political debate.”

Kevin Madden, a spokesman for Mr. Romney, said: “It was an offensive remark. Governor Romney believes all people should be treated with dignity and respect.”

Get ready for the libs to use this against Republican candidates, even though they didn't say it or endorse it. The difference here is that conservatives don't defend, and even condemn, their own when they step over the line. Liberals never chastise each other, they just pretend nothing ever happened, and the liberal media obliges them by ignoring the story.

Personally, I liked this quote from Ann explaining herself:

C’mon, it was a joke. I would never insult gays by suggesting that they are like John Edwards. That would be mean.

Ann makes her living with satire, and she does it better than anyone else. She's very smart, and she knows what she can get away with saying. She doesn't care if her jokes offend some Lefties, as long as they entertain her audience. And if the Left get's all out of shape and helps her sell a few extra books? I'm sure that doesn't bother her either.

***Update, 8:26pm***

Ultramontane: What would you call him?

President Limbaugh And Vice President Coulter Address The Nation (Again)

The latest Coulter/Limbaugh clip from THHNH:



I don't care how not funny the rest of the show is, anything with Coulter or Limbaugh (let alone both) is great TV. I especially like Coulter's closing line.

Michael Jackson Converts To Islam

It would appear that reports of Michael Jackson's conversion to Islam have been confirmed:

Pop superstar MICHAEL JACKSON has confirmed his conversion to Islam, according to reports in the Middle East.

The Arab-Israeli newspaper Panorama claims Jackson has announced the move and revealed plans to move to Bahrain, where he has bought property.

The singer's Muslim brother JERMAINE today claimed the THRILLER hitmaker had taken interest in the religion since he converted in 1989 – and had been considering converting himself following his acquittal on child abuse charges in 2005.

Jermaine said, "When I came back from Mecca I got him (Michael) a lot of books and he asked me lots of things about my religion and I told him that it's peaceful and beautiful.

"He read everything and he was proud of me that I found something that would give me inner strength and peace.

"I think it is most probable that Michael will convert to Islam.

"He could do so much, just like I am trying to do. Michael and I and the word of God, we could do so much."

Fortunately for Michael, the Religion of Peace in no way looks down on child abuse, or even full-blown pedophilia.

Diggbats Unhinged

Over at LGF their war with the Diggbatts seems to rage on. Posted is this comment form a Digg user, about LGF:

For anyone who’s not aware LGF is an anti Semtic [sic] site posing as a pro Jewish site it tries to post as many stories as it can about Muslims just so people will get really p*ssed at reading about how bad muslims are and get angry at Jews.

Take a moment to reflect on the actual line of thought being promoted here. The implication is that LGF purposefully showcases Muslim atrocities, so that people will get so pissed at Muslims, that they'll get pissed at the Jews. Charles seems to think that this is representative of the left's dishonesty; I'm more inclined to think of it as an example of the left's stupidity.

New Headline of The Year:

The headline of the year has been dethroned in less than 24 hours by this random, somewhat confusingly bizarre headline from Fox News:

Jaguar That Killed Denver Zookeeper Had Mean Twin Named Osama

Well that explains it.

Headline Of The Year:

Great headline, boring story: "Engineers Begin Dropping Giant Balls Into Indonesian Mud Volcano."

Brokeback Mountain - From The Point of View of The Horses

You know, I try not to post so many Family Guy clips. But some of these jokes are just so damn funny:

Beaver Sighting In NY Arrouses Scientists

The first beaver sighting in New York in 200 years leaves bloggers scrambling to make the best "beaver sighting" joke:

Beavers grace New York City's official seal. But the industrious rodents have not been seen in the flesh here for as many as 200 years — until this week.

Biologists videotaped a beaver swimming up the Bronx River on Wednesday. Its twig-and-mud lodge had been spotted earlier on the river bank, but the tape confirmed the presence of the animal itself.

"It had to happen because beaver populations are expanding, and their habitats are shrinking," said Dietland Muller-Schwarze, a beaver expert at the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse. "We're probably going to see more of them in the future."

Now that there's one beaver in New York, do you think they're going to try and call it endangered and make its home "protected?" I wouldn't put it past them. Also notice that even though their population is exploding while their habitat shrinks, the shrinking habitat is still seen as a negative. Maybe all along all the beavers needed to propagate was less space - it sort of makes them feel cozy.

Meanwhile, in other news there have still been no reports of any beaver sightings in San Francisco.

NASA's Contingency Plan

How would NASA deal with an unstable astronaut in space? Easy: Duct tape.

What would happen if an astronaut became mentally unstable in space and, say, destroyed the ship's oxygen system or tried to open the hatch and kill everyone aboard?

That was the question after the apparent breakdown of Lisa Nowak, arrested this month on charges she tried to kidnap and kill a woman she regarded as her rival for another astronaut's affections.

It turns out NASA has detailed, written procedures for dealing with a suicidal or psychotic astronaut in space. The documents, obtained this week by The Associated Press, say the astronaut's crewmates should bind his wrists and ankles with duct tape, tie him down with a bungee cord and inject him with tranquilizers if necessary.

"Talk with the patient while you are restraining him," the instructions say. "Explain what you are doing, and that you are using a restraint to ensure that he is safe."

The instructions do not spell out what happens after that. But NASA spokesman James Hartsfield said the space agency, a flight surgeon on the ground and the commander in space would decide on a case-by-case basis whether to abort the flight, in the case of the shuttle, or send the astronaut home, if the episode took place on the international space station.

Honestly I'm surprised, but in a good way. Here I thought that if NASA were to have some sort of contingency plan for a situation like this, it would involve some sort of restraint system that cost the US taxpayer tens of millions of dollars. But hey, if duct tape works, then use it.

Daytona 500 and a Racist Dog

"NASCAR's boring and for backward hicks and all the cars ever do is go around in circles and you can't even tell they're going fast and blah, blah, blah ..."

Okay. And here's a clip form the last lap of the Daytona 500 last Sunday:



That clip is ridiculously close to the final race in Talladega Nights.

And while I'm posting a video, here's Brian channelling his father (I'd skip to 0:30 if'n I was you):

Chimps Use Spears To Kill Bushbabies

Wow. Who would have thought that liberal scientists would have been able to spin a finding like this into a feminist revision of the far-distant history:

Chimpanzees are capable of making spears to hunt other primates and have been seen using the weapons to apparently kill bushbabies for meat, scientists announced today.

The researchers based their findings on observations of omnivorous chimpanzees that dwell in savannahs similar to those from which humanity's ancestors are thought to have emerged.

"It is not adult males, but young chimpanzees, including adolescent females, who are exhibiting this behavior," Jill Pruetz, a primatologist at Iowa State University, told LiveScience.

"This has important implications for how we think about the evolution of tool use in our own species," Pruetz added. "We have tended to emphasize the role of adult males in hunting, and this research supports the assertion that we should not ignore females and other individuals."

Hell. They can't even give humans any credit for advancing Chimp civilization:

Earlier this month, scientists reported that chimpanzees used stone tools as early as 4,300 years ago, suggesting that they learned to make and use the tools on their own, rather than copying humans.

The left is going to have trouble with this issue because in one way, it appeals to their nature of loving when things with "Bush" in their name are being killed. On the other hand, they would be outraged if they found humans who killed bushbabies with spears, and since they think of humans as nothing but glorified apes, they really ought to hold Chimps to the same standard.

Giant Hornets Sent To France By God

Nature provides perfect analogy for France's troubles with Muslim immigrants:

Swarms of giant hornets renowned for their vicious stings and skill at massacring honeybees have settled in France.

And there are now so many of the insects that entomologists fear it will just be a matter of time before they cross to Britain.

	A hornets nest

Global warming has largely been blamed for the survival and spread of the Asian Hornet, Vespa velutina, which is thought to have arrived in France from the Far East in a consignment of Chinese pottery in late 2004.

Thousands of football-shaped hornet nests are now dotted all over the forests of Aquitaine, the south-western region of France hugely popular with British tourists.

"Their spread across French territory has been like lightning," said Jean Haxaire, the entomologist who originally identified the new arrival.

He said he had recently seen 85 nests in the 40-odd miles which separate the towns of Marmande and Podensac, in the Lot et Garonne department where the hornets were first spotted.

Wow. Now Global Warming even causes giant hornets. Is there anything it can't do?